i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
