Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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