Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize