Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
