Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
