Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
