3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
