He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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