I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Four minutes until I can fart!
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Randomize