If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
