Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
