You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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