The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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