There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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