I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
