it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
