when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
