bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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