i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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