I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
