i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize