I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think my vagina is haunted
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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