I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
