I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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