It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
