It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
