what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Sorry my hands just texted you
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
