he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
