Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
