Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
