Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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