paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
