Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
