I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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