Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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