the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
