Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
