I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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