I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Non-Jews are for practice
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Everyone says I win the strip club
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
