woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
