I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
