I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
