He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
