she looked like the before picture.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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