she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
