considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
