he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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