sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
