everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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