i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
