the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
