You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
