What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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