i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
