Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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