When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
