did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
