She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
