the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
