Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
