I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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