Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
