I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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