Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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