It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
