he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
