We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
