I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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