So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize