Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
