Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
