Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
