remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
