i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Randomize
