Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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