Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
