My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize