they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
