8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
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