My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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