Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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