I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize