3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
