thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
