So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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