Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
