Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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