Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize