I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
