Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
