i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize