dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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