i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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