its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
