Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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