This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
