So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
