Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Randomize
