Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
