I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
