i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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