so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
