I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
