I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
