at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
