i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize