was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
